It’s been two years. I still think of you everyday. A huge part of me is lost but my conscience is clear. I’ve done what I could to the best of my abilities with whatever I had at that difficult period of time

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Kang Ye-Bin’s Boob Attack (King’s Family ep26)

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Prayer To God

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On Death & Humor

Not to sound morbid, but because I grew up fascinated with movie magic that perhaps when I pass on, and hope that’s many more years in future, someone can arrange….

1. Music at funeral service: May It Be (Lord of The Rings) by Enya.

2. Get to lay in a coffin shaped like a Jedi Starfighter.

3. Play Stormtrooper March as coffin rolls to furnace.

4. Sound of lightsaber powering up and someone growls “I AM YOUR FATHER” to ignite the furnace.

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Smartest Kid In 1st Grade

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, ‘Harry, what’s your problem?’
Harry answered, ‘I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!’
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: ‘What is 3 x 3?’
Harry: ‘9.’
Principal: ‘What is 6 x 6?’
Harry: ’36.’
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, ‘I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade’
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, ‘Let me ask him some questions..’
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, ‘What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?’
Harry, after a moment: ‘Legs.’
Ms. Brooks: ‘What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?’
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: ‘Pockets.’
Ms. Brooks: ‘What does a dog do that a man steps into?’
Harry: ‘Pants.’
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: ‘What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?’
The principal’s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, ‘Bubble gum.’
Ms. Brooks: ‘What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?’
Harry: ‘Shake hands .’
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: ‘What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of heat and excitement?’
Harry: ‘Firetruck.’
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, ‘Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

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Enjoy Having A Good Laugh

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning!

The wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did…. she’s 21 and her name’s Lucy.

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting pedo and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I’m 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.

The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops. Although they do make me look a bit gay.

Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said “We’ll struggle to get another man of the same calibre.”

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said “Son, that’s 3 schools this year. You want to stop before you’re banned from teaching altogether.”

Q: What’s the difference between a blond and a brick?
A: The brick doesn’t follow you home after you lay it.

Remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend – Beautiful,
Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy, Sensible. Or in other words…………

Just been to the gym. They’ve got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It’s great though. It does everything – KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot..”

Question – Are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said “I am not understanding the question please.”

On my Census form there is a question “Do you have any dependants?”
Apparently putting “Hundreds of Africans, Pakis, Somalians, single mums, Romanians, loafers, smack heads and non English speaking people” isn’t the right answer. They’ve sent my form back!

Prince William says he doesn’t want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding. Prince Phillip says he doesn’t give a toss, he’s still going.

I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show.
Turns out I got it all wrong and the program’s called Fact Hunt.

The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can’t afford batteries!

Some bastard’s just pinched a pair of my wife’s knickers off the washing line. She’s not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.

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WP7 Mango Custom Ringtone

Been re-watching 神雕侠侣 (Return Of The Condor Heroes), one of my favorite Chinese shows, recently and decided I wanted to use one of the music inside as my ringtone for WP7 Mango.

Unlike in the past, NoDo and before, where I had to inject a ringtone into the phone using a ChevronWP7 tool (the phone has to be developer-unlocked beforehand anyway), Microsoft has released a set of specification for Mango custom ringtones and now officially supports it.

Specifications are as below:

  • 39 seconds or shorter
  • smaller than 1 megabyte (MB)
  • saved in MP3 or WMA format
  • not copy-protected (i.e. DRM free)
  • Genre set to Ringtone


So anyway, here’s mine! (Created two versions in case I’m deaf. Hahaha!)


Enjoy! Smile

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